Goodbye Again
by violets92
Summary: It was well and truly time that McGee said goodbye. McAbby angst


My first non-tate story! Are you proud? I heard the song and I immediately thought of a plotline for a McAbby songfic. Song is "Goodbye Again" by Vertical Horizon.

Disclaimer: Do you _really_ think I own the song or the show?

* * *

_I'm on the outside, looking in  
What do I see?  
So much of this left to begin  
Where would I be?  
Out on the outside, looking in  
Cover me through this night _

McGee looked across the bullpen at Abby talking to Gibbs. She was trying to convince him to let her go to a party on the weekend, even though they were in the middle of a case. Gibbs was smirking. Fifteen seconds later, Gibbs had gotten sick of her rambling on about how awesome the party would be and just said yes, she could go. Then Abby hugged him. McGee knew he shouldn't be jealous of his boss at that moment.

But he was.

Abby never hugged him anymore. Sure, there would be a few here and there, after all, that was just Abby, but the last time they'd hugged meaningfully was after Kate's funeral. That had been two years ago. After that, it all kind of fell apart. Abby got more distant and didn't come to see him as much anymore at work or at home. Their relationship had toned down to the point of friends. Not even best friends anymore. Just plain friends.

Guess I don't know what's, left to say  
But hear me out  
All of the dreams of, yesterday  
Keep breaking me down  
What's on the outside, can you say  
Or am I getting carried away?

McGee remembered the first time that he'd met her in person. She'd fascinated him. She was so different. Not only because she was "Goth" (although that term hardly began to describe her), but because she was just so…lively. She was so full of energy and happiness (that probably had something to do with the ten or so Caf-Pows she drank every day) and she seemed to accept him immediately. No-one had ever accepted him that quickly before. They all named him "McGeek" or something else equally petty because he was smarter than a lot of them.

After that, Abby had become his best friend. Always sticking up for him when Tony or Kate would tease him, treating him equally despite the fact he was still a Probie. A few months along, McGee had confessed that he'd liked her. Truthfully, he thought he was in love, but that rarely ever went down well with any woman. About a week later, Abby had agreed to a relationship.

It's in your mind  
It's in your eyes  
So it's goodbye again  
It's way past time  
For one last try  
So it's goodbye again  
Goodbye... again

It had been happy and blissful for about five months or so. They'd both been staying over at each others' apartments regularly and despite what people thought, it wasn't about the sex. Sure, the sex _was_ great, but the actual relationship was so much better. They had actual conversations with each other. Abby was the only one that ever understood him. And as much as McGee would have loved to have said that he understood Ms. Sciuto, he didn't. In fact, he was pretty sure no-one did. He was set in thinking that she was a mystery that should never be understood. Unfortunately he overlooked the small fact that all women wanted to be understood.

They started to fall apart when McGee met Erin. He openly cringed at the memory. He knew he shouldn't have gotten that attached, but it was so hard not to. Erin had gone to MIT and as much as he loved Abby, McGee couldn't help feeling a little connection with Erin too. After Erin had been killed, Abby tried everything to get through to him and get him to talk but gave up when he cracked and just yelled at her. They broke up. And from then on, things had been very on-and-off. 

I'm getting on, but what's the use  
You know how I get  
I can't decide which is the truth  
At least not yet  
I got the feeling, that it's you  
What can be said, alone in this room  
No...

They got back to normal very quickly and McGee had a feeling that Abby's heart really hadn't been in it from the beginning. That thought had hurt him more than anything until he had approached Kate about it. She'd told him that under no circumstances was he ever to think that again. Abby never led anyone on. McGee resigned himself to the fact that Kate was right. Abby wouldn't do that. She was too honest.

About a week later, they slept together again. They decided to keep it like a "friends with benefits" thing. Neither of them wanted to get hurt like they did the last time. It was too risky. It went on for a while too. They both dated other people and when those relationships turned sour, it would be back to just McGee and Abby's casual flings. It held no strings attached and everyone, including Gibbs, was happy about it.

Everyone except Tim.

It's in your mind  
It's in your eyes  
So it's goodbye again  
It's way past time  
For one last try  
So it's goodbye again

He wanted more. So it was selfish, but he'd never really gotten over Abby, even when she'd made it clear she wasn't interested in anything serious with him again. And why would she? Hell, after what he had said and done, McGee could understand why. Abby hadn't deserved that. He hadn't deserved her. She was so amazing to him but he'd just brushed her off when Erin came around. Tony, Kate and Gibbs had never let her forget how much he'd hurt Abby.

McGee found himself going around to her apartment more and more. She'd realized. His excuse was that he needed more sex but Abby wasn't an idiot. For a genius, she had a _lot_ of common sense, and he'd never been good with talking, so conveniently, she'd made other arrangements for half the nights he turned up to her apartment. When he asked her about it, she'd either carefully avoid the question or say she'd gone bowling. With nuns. McGee had secretly wondered how bad he must have been to favor nuns over sex.

Who wants you now?  
Maybe somebody else  
I'll wait around  
Maybe you'll forget you were ever here  
Maybe forget you were ever, never here

After Kate died, Abby hadn't talked to him much. She'd helped him track Ducky's cell phone but after the funeral she grew more distant and they didn't hook up much anymore. McGee doubted that it had even been once every three weeks. Then it stopped altogether. She said she'd met someone else. She's taken it as a sign that she'd met him visiting Kate's grave.

So over the weeks, he dated other women, none as amazing as Abby, and slowly gotten more upset. He came to the realization that she just didn't love him the way that he loved her. Tony teased him about falling too hard for a girl. McGee ignored him. Tony didn't know anything about that. Or maybe he did. He'd taken Kate's death pretty hard. However, Tony was pretty much the last thing on McGee's mind at that time. Every time he visited Abby's lab there seemed to be an abundance of black roses adorning her desk. He'd found out later that they were from her new boy toy. She told McGee his name was Mikel.

I'm on the outside; looking down  
What do I see?  
So much of this cold, in the ground  
Where would I be?  
I'm on the outside, looking down  
Cover me before you go

The team had soon found out that Mikel was more that just a boyfriend. He was truly obsessed with Abby. In the most stalkerish sense of the word. That night she had stayed over at McGee's apartment restored faith in the junior agent. When he realized that she was just teasing him, it annoyed him so much that when he came back in from the car, he didn't even bother to ask why his typewriter and motherboard were so screwed up. He just assumed that she did it on purpose and yelled at her until she interrupted him and told him that Mikel had broken in.

Gibbs had been pissed, Tony had been pissed, hell, even Ducky had held a grudge, and when McGee had tried explaining what made him so mad, he just got yelled at. It wasn't as if he'd meant to upset Abby, but he was so annoyed at her for not coming to him about the restraining order that he jumped to conclusions. Abby however, had forgiven him immediately. Apparently she understood what it was like to have her motherboard smashed.

_  
It's in your mind  
It's in your eyes  
So it's goodbye again  
It's way past time  
For one last try  
So it's goodbye again _

All these thoughts led him up to the events a week ago. McGee had gone to Abby with flowers. Black ones that smelled really bad, but she seemed to like. She'd thanked him, hugged him and asked him why he'd brought her the God-awful smelling flowers. He'd then tried to remember a speech he'd written earlier to convince her to take him back. To give them another chance.

Abby then let out a breath and a very small tear and explained that she wasn't in love with him anymore.

She'd broken his heart after he broke hers. It was a never-ending pattern of heartbreak. McGee had tried to tell her that if she just gave them another chance things might have worked, but Abby had just let a tear fall and said "I'm so sorry Tim."

He was falling in love and she was falling out of it. And now all he could do was watch Gibbs kiss her on the cheek and give her a Caf-Pow. It was well and truly time that McGee said goodbye.

Your falling out,  
I'm falling in  
So it's goodbye again  
It's way past time  
For one last try  
So it's goodbye... again  
So it's goodbye again


End file.
